I was walking past the fridge this morning when I realised how much The Mother loves me.  Isn’t that silly?  But on the fridge is a magnet that she bought me in town a couple of weeks before Christmas and it proclaims Only A Lucky Few Have A Daughter Like You.  It made me feel all nice inside.  I take her for granted so much and I do wonder sometimes why she still loves me after all the crap I put her through when I was a horrid, precocious, pedantic teenager…


And I truly was horrid.  I would put her down because of her faith in God, accuse her of loving my brothers more than she loved me [I think that I did that because I couldn’t be Daddy’s Little Princess since I hardly saw The Father], deliberately scream at her, throw things around the house [I was my very own little poltergeist], I even called her lots of horrible names .  This behaviour was a daily occurrance.  At school I was the perfect child/teenager.  I rarely got into trouble [the worst things I ever did was not completing my homework on time], I was quiet and well mannered.  At home I was a totally different character and she used to despair of me.  I look back at that time in my life and realise that I was attention seeking.  I needed her to prove to me that she loved me, warts and all, and my way of begging for this love was to act in a horrid way.  This went on for years and included things that I daren’t mention here lest they tar my perfect image .  And yet the whole time I was going through this mixed up, emotional, turbulant period she was always there for me, loving me and guiding me.  I will never have another person in my life who loves me so unconditionally.  Oh, I know that The Blokey is in love with me and accepts me for who I am, but this love is different.


She’s done an awful lot for me.  She’s cried with me when I’ve been upset, she was up all night revising with me the night before my Sociology A’Level exam, she accepted me when I was going through my goth phase even though her friends didn’t approve/were wary of me, she buys me flowers on a regular basis,  she let me move back home on a practically rent-free basis,  she was only a phone call away the night I had to phone her in the early hours of the morning following one of my scariest encounters with The B*****d, and, despite my best intentions, she provided me with a stable and happy childhood. 


And the good thing to come out of all those years of “pain”?  I gained the best friend a woman can have.  We laugh now about all the things I did to innocently try to break her heart.  But I know that I hurt her.  And I also know that she’s forgiven for everything I ever put her through.  That’s probably what gave me the strength to put the past behind me and free myself of all the bitterness and pain that I had back then.  It’s a good feeling. 


As I wrote on the back of an envelope, aged five – Homes are for mummies, we all love you


Who needs a God Bless after that?  xxx Elsabeth

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7 comments

  1. I’ve been going through a whole ‘how do I feel about my mum’ thing … in the end I’ve bought her a copy of ‘The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood’ … I’m hoping she’ll understand what I’m getting at. 

  2. I think that all parent’s are taken for granted – I guess they just live in hope that one day their children will come to the same conclusions that you have…

  3. yeah, my mom and i have always been really good friends. in a way that probably scares my peer-age friends. i tell her (almost) everything about what goes on in my life, ask her advice, actually tell her where i’m going when i don’t even tell my dad. she’s great.

  4. How strange, my mum brought me the same thing a couple of weeks back! *cue strange mysterious music*
    I was the same with my mum, although probably not as cruel *laughs* LOL.
    I was THE bitch from hell. I used to look back wonderously and wonder why she loves me unconditionally when I was such a little shithead to her. But now, as a mum myself, I can understand, but yet can’t put it into words how I feel about Daniel, but I can say how, that no matter what he does in his life, I will always love him just as my mum does me. No matter what.
    *big sigh*
    God bless mothers, I say xxx

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