Heaven isn’t a place; it’s a feeling …

And right now I don’t have a heavenly feeling surrounding me.  I just feel very tired [despite getting lots of much needed sleep just recently … my bed feels safer than anywhere else] and rather emotional.  Sometimes things just don’t seem to go right do they?  I should be amazingly happy right now … And I am.  I have pleasant and wonderful dreams of the future and a cute ickle diamond on my finger.  But life just seems out to get me and it’s making me feel hopeless and useless.  I must snap out of it lest I return to the days of anti-depressants and lethargicness.  And that does worry me .  I’m also hungry but I have no appetite and eating is a struggle.  Humph.  Mad.  It’s all silly and daft really …

But onto happier topics.  I woke up in the middle of the night, Monday I think it was.  I was incredibly happy.  And I realised that I’d woken myself up with laughter.  I’ve had plenty of experiences whereby I’ve woken up from fear due to a nightmare, but I don’t ever recall waking myself up by having a good chortle.  I can remember the dream that I was having … There were a group of us playing a game.  We were just running round this house that seemed to belong to my sister-in-law and was quite old.  As we ran through one doorway it was being held open for us by a short chubby little man with bright red hair and a beard.  He was wearing dungarees.  Imagine if you will the caretaker chap from The Simpsons, only rounder and less cartoon style.  At this point I realised where my nephew Adam got his ginger hair from [it was a dream, J, a dream … I am not suggesting that my s-i-l has ever been unfaithful!].  As we turned the corner there was an open doorway, very low down, and I realised that I was about to bump my head on the top of it.  That’s when I woke up laughing.  I can’t think what was funny about it.  Was it the game, the realisation of Adam’s heritage, or almost banging my head?  I shall never know. 

Happy Sad, Sad Happy. 

God Bless Nothingness xxx Elsabeth