This week I became the proud mother of a Bouncing Baby Burberry Cushion, stubbornly made for me by Little Miss Impatient Chav during an afternoon craft session where I learnt to use the sewing machine …

Today is the thirty-sixth [blimey] birthday of The Eldest Brother and guess which sibling forgot to send him a birthday card with frolicky greetings? 

This week I have suffered from various sicknesses, including migraines, an upset belly, nausea, aches/pains and, more disturbingly, a general feeling of lethargy … I think that tomorrow I should get up, phone in sick and then snuggle under the duvet again, no?

Today I laughed in amusement at the sight of so many teachers/staff and so few parents at the Year 10 Parents Evening.  I shouldn’t really have been amused – I should have known that the kids we have at school are the sort whose parents really don’t give a toss about education …

At the weekend I spied a Topsy & Tim book in the shop.  Oooh, the excitement.  Then I thumbed through one and discovered that Topsy & Tim are rather Politically Correct these days.  I was very very disappointed.  Humph.

Because my brain isn’t working particularly well and I feel unable to formulate a coherent post I shall instead amuse myself, twiddle my thumbs and relax with some Weird Ones

1. Why aren’t fish used to decorate Christmas trees?
Because the damn things would be smelly by the time it got round to Christmas Day.  D’uh!  And the cats would climb the tree to catch them and then there would be pine needles and fur and bones and scales dotted around the living room.  It’s not really worth the hassle.

2. What is the best answering machine message that you never heard?
“Hello. I’m *****’s answering machine. What are you?”

3. Should dolls come with instructions? Why or why not?
For little girls/boys [see, me not sexist] with fertile imaginations/intelligence?  No.  Who needs instructions when you have a creative side and a high IQ?  For little boys/girls [see, me not sexist] with no fertile imagination/intelligence? Gosh … um … no.  Isn’t it more fun to watch people stumble on their way to discovering what the Doll does?

4. How can you be sure you truly exist and aren’t just a figment in someone else’s dream? How can you be sure I truly exist?
I can’t.  I think I wrote about this once before.  I would quite like to be a figment in somebody else’s dream.  Although perhaps someone ought to wake them up because their dream can’t be all that exciting.  In fact, it’s all a bit monotonous … work, tellybox, computer, blokey, sleep, work, tellybox, computer, sleep, blokey … … … And I can be sure that you truly exist because I don’t think up ridiculously silly questions like this … *simper*

5. When in the course of human events? For how long? Why?
Probably sometime last year?  For maybe about ten minutes?  Because otherwise Pansy wouldn’t have been able to practice with her brand new opposable thumbs?

Ah, my bed is calling my light-headed head to lie down …

please God bless the eldest brother and make the rest of his birthday rather spiffingly wonderful xxx Elsabeth



  1. Long ago, Zappa named a song “The Chrome-Plated Megaphone of Destiny” after the way kids would get dolls, naturally gravititate to the crotch in an attempt to find out some biological facts, and be faced with nothing but the little speaker box that says “I luff you”.

  2. YES! call in sick and crawl under the blankets and dont come out!  Its what you need ot get better!
    Thanks a bunch fo rhtinking of little miss scoutie! =)  Im trying to hop around xanga here for a bit while she naps!

  3. The answering machine line reminds me of my friend’s boyfriend. His place is labeled with one of those labeler strips. So the television is labeled “Magic Picture Box.” The chair is labeled “chair.” You get the general idea.

  4. The answering machine message in the world?: “You’ve reached the number you’ve dialed.” But you have to say it in just the right secret superhero way and then abruptly go straight to the beep.  I heard some nutty ones while working for the catalogue companies, especially annoying were the ones like: “Mum and Dad, Tori, Richard, baby Joe and the cat Molly aren’t in right now. *giggly fun-mum laugh* but you can leave us a message. Press 1 for mum, 2 for dad, 3 for Tori, 4 for Richard, 5 for baby Joe and 6 for Molly, our amazing talking feline.” Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….

  5. “When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation”
    Holy cow, I can’t believe I still remember that.  We had to memorize it in 10th grade.
    Yes, call in sick.  Except it’s already afternoon there and you’ve already decided whatever you wanted.
    I think it’s interesting that in England Burberry is only for the chav type person.  Around here it’s only for the frou frou elite with tons of money.

  6. Sorry you are so very sick! That is no fun. Hope you feel better soon.ryc: Thanks for the hugs. And my head people would love to play football and have cake with your head people.

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