This morning I awoke at an unfeasibly early hour [I’m supposed to be enjoying long lazy half-term days, goshnessdammit] and, having waved The Blokey bub-bye as he headed off to work [oh yes, in the obligatory gingham apron with mop in hand ready to do the kitchen floor], I decided to enjoy a Pepsi [my laziness stopped me from putting the kettle on] whilst sitting in front of the tellybox.  Now that we have Sky [instead of NTL, which is good because there are more exciting channels to choose from, such as Buy This Useless Object For A Ridiculous Price!, Ooh Text Me I’m A Bimbo Presenter With No Personality!, Phwoar, Look At The Gear Stick On That (And Those Tits Ain’t Bad Either)!, and We Show The Crappiest Made-For-TV Films That You Are Ever Likely To See!] I chose, as most good Sky users do, to watch some terrestrial channel.  Five, I believe it was. 

Tricia Bloody Goddard to be precise.  I sat through forty-five minutes of the most excruciating pain.  I was appalled at the way she patronised her guests.  I shuddered at the fact that some of the things she came out with could surely only make problems worse.  I laughed at her audacity as she brought her own problems into the equation. 

In short, I wanted to slap her smug face.  Not that I’m a violent person.

Suddenly I became appalled at the way I was able to sit through it.  I wanted to slap myself.  What does it say about me that I can sit through forty-five minutes of mind-numbing chav trash?  It’s not even exciting … where were the fisticuffs, the swear words and the I-can-see-your-arse skirts? 

I feel ashamed. 

I also feel ashamed

[Big Brother VI alert, please scroll down to a more reasonable topic of conversation if BB threatens the very core of your being and makes you want to vomit]

that I wanted to slap Makosi last night.  Does she know how to play the game, or does she know how to play the game?  Mary and Craig?  Come on!  The two that I like the most.  Damn the girl.  When she’s nominated I shall vote for her. 

[I’ve finished talking about BBVI now …]

I have a public apology to make to The Baby Brother – the front garden still needs weeding.  I’ve been busy, yes?  The rain has come down at the most inopportune moments [usually just before I decide to pop outside and do some pulling].  There are people/children/dogs/dustbin-men outside who might laugh at my clumsy gardening skills.  Someone might even talk to me.  Eek! 

And speaking of dogs, everybody in FlatHickTown has one.  Except me. 

And yeh, I may well creep out and pull up some weeds this afternoon.  If I can force myself away from the brainwashing of daytime telly-vision …

please God bless the weeds xxx Elsabeth


  1. There were a lot of brackets in that first paragraph Hate Tricia, never watch her. It’s always about her. Haven’t watched Big Brother but you’ve piqued my interest now.

  2. Don’t feel too bad about watching the talk show.  We all do that on occasion. It’s like a train wreck – you just have to slow down and look….
    Everyone where I live has a dog, too!  (now we do, too….)  It amazed me when we first moved out here.  The bad part of it is that when I walk to work I have to keep an eye open for loose dogs as these idiots don’t seem to know how to keep their dogs on their property!  One of these days I’m going to get bit! (and then all hell will break loose!  People who don’t take care of their animals shouldn’t own one!)

  3. Grrr. I have many issues with Sky, News International and anything Murdoch for various historical political reasons; but then I have issues with NTL for various overcharging reasons too. And I can’t receive Freeview in my area. So I’m kinda stuck when it comes to watching cheap crap.Isn’t radio wonderful?

  4. Sky… the only thing it’s good for is many music channels (and billions of Crazy Sodding Frog adverts) and BBCi text.My idea of gardening is to cut everything down that looks like it’s overgrown, and pull anything out with long leaves – suffice to say most of the time I pull out proper flowers and plants too.

  5. Is it really Big Brother 6 already? I was fascinated by the first one, mildly interested in the second and have been completely indifferent to the rest.
    Don’t feel left out because you don’t have a dog – cats are the way to go .

  6. It’s ok to sit down and watch trash tv sometimes.  Or at least that’s what I tell myself when I realize I’ve spent all day watching it.
    No no no…get a dog AND a cat and everyone is happy.

  7. I hate when I watch something I don’t even like and finally snap out of it to the horrifying realization that an hour has passed! 
    So you have Big Brother in England that’s different from ours… I mean diff. people and such but same basic game.  I don’t think our next season starts until summer.  But that always happens to me the people I like the most always lose out.

  8. ehh you need dogsitters if you want to go away for weekends or anything.  and they require walking..let out to lol cats..eww cats!  hmm work on a baby! lol

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