To have and to hold …

A conversation in the car [on the way back from MFI or FurnitureLand, or some such place] a couple of months ago …

him: so, maybe we should start thinking about setting a date then.
her: oh … [pause] … ok.

A conversation a month or so ago …

her:  i saw this beautiful little registry office whilst sitting on the bus on my way to the dyslexia course and we should get married there because then i can say we’re getting married in ***** and it will confuse people – *giggle*.
him: haha … [pause] … yeh, it’s not that funny Elsabeth.

A conversation from a week or so ago …

her:  so, are we going to set a date? 
him:  yeh.
her:  only i need to think about how to fit it in around school holidays and whatnot.
him:  ok.
her:  so, i’m thinking <insert date sometime in 2006 here>?
him:  no.  that would be like getting married on christmas day.
her:  but i’d love to get married at christmas – *jumps around like an excited puppy* – can we get married at christmas?
him:  no. 
her:  fine … *rolls eyes and gets snappy* … it will have to be the sunday then. or the monday maybe.
him:  ok.

[if you knew the first date I suggested you’d understand why he said no, only I think it would be funny, but then I have been accused of having a weird sense of humour]

A few days later …

her: well, we haven’t done much talking about a wedding.
him: oh, i thought you were looking into it.  i’m leaving it all up to you.


I do want to get married.  But I can’t decide on precisely what I want.  I’m not even sure how much money we have that is spendable on a wedding. 

Being the introvert that I am, I’m desperate to have a small ceremony with close friends and family.  But the extrovert-me [that mostly just hides in my head] begs for a big celebration. 

I can’t stand being the focus of attention.  I’ll glow a nasty shade of pink, stumble ungracefully and slur through the wedding vows.

I know that I don’t want to wear white.  I know who I’ll ask to be my bridesmaids.  I know what flowers I want [depending on the colour coordination of the dress, and I know the dress style that I want because I saw it in a shop window over a year ago].  I know who will make and ice the cake.  I know that I don’t want some traditional photographer, but someone who will take funky non-posed pictures to really capture the spirit of my day.  I know who The Blokey will ask to be best-man.   

I can’t stop looking at websites that do invitations. 

I know that I want Mumsy to give me away. 

My hair is getting longer and I want to play with styles for it. 

I don’t even like Champagne, so I’ll be cheap and go for sparkling white wine of the Asti variety.

See, so much has already been thought of.  But then we get to the little things and then my head starts to implode.  Where will we get married?  Can we get a discount at one of the university colleges because both The Blokey’s parents work there?  How many people will the local registry office hold?  I’m not religious but was brought up going to church and so will I feel a tad frustrated that I won’t be able to have a few religious odds and sods thrown in?  Will this make me cry?  Should I think about getting married in church?  Does that mean I’d have to start attending, albeit briefly?  Shall we have a buffet or a sit-down-four-course affair?  Who will do the music and will they play the music I want them to play? 

I need a fairy-godmother who will wave her sparkly wand and sort it all out for me. 

Or I need to just elope.  Gretna Green’s gone out of fashion recently – maybe that’s our best bet.

Pah [not even worthy of an exclamation mark].

I should just have a baby instead.

But that just throws a whole new set of confusing questions into the equation.  Grrr.

please God bless this nesting instinct brought on by hormones who know that i’m getting old and are trying to kick me up the backside before it’s all too late xxx Elsabeth


  1. Elope in America then Susie and I can attend the wedding!! But seriously, I’m sure everythign will work out, it seems like you have a pretty good idea on what you want anyway!  I’m not a big fan of wine or champagne, but I do favor the Asti wine so good choice! 
    (And I have to say that when I read the business about Snape in the book I thought of you and what your reaction must’ve been!)

  2. I know what you mean about being the center of attention at your wedding. I was mortified thinking of standing up in front of everyone and sharing my most intimate and personal feelings about the one I love. I kept it small and intimate. Rented a house on the beach, 35 people, good food and drink. No fuss. Just a suggestion if you are looking at invitations on line. I got mine from a lady in Arizona, she makes them all by hand herself, she pressed a real flower onto each invitation. Everyone commented on them. You can check her out at I got the Nikki style.

  3. yeah weddings are mind explosions!  Elope and have a huge reception..I mean you deserve gifts afterall! lol …if you dont want it IN a church but want some sort of involvment with that aspect perhaps a Preist or Pastor come to an off site location?  I really dont know how things work there.
    OR you could take a trip to the US and get married at the Elvis Chapel lol

  4. Ooh, so much to think about. I’m like you – can’t decide if I want the introvert-me or the extrovert-me wedding. That’s if I ever got married, of course.
    Ryc: We’ve found a nice little flat, just a few bits and bobs to sort out before it’s ours…fingers crossed it all goes well…

  5. run away, and do your own thing. At all costs avoid letting parents influence decisions, unless you fancy spectacular arguments in major department stores. That’s my experience anyway. Do what I wish I’d done – point out that it’s your day, and it’s everyone’s job to make YOU feel happy, and not the other way around.
    And now I will shut up. Found you via Pink Hebe, btw

  6. It will work out. You won’t turn into a bridezilla. =0) Very hectic though. That’s what bridesmaids are for. To help you? No? Awh. Even small scale ones are hard! But it should be–it’s your special day. If you were here, I’d say, “Vegas wedding.” But that’s too tacky. Personally, I’d all for small beach weddings.
    I secretly want to get hitched one day. I secretly want a house with  a white picket fence but a main home in the city–where my imaginary child can be a regular urbanite like I was. But you know, us girls have massive fears. My entire family tree either wants to kill one another or can’t remain in the same room. I could never have a wedding for fear the bride side is completely empty except for my five or ten close friends that I’ve accumulated in 20odd years. Then what would my imaginary beau think if he sees that his future wife has no support system–and he equates it with “well are women like that worth the commitment?” Or I worry that it won’t be forever–that he’ll get up and walk out and leave me with three-imaginary kids and I’ll turn into my mother.

  7. Planning a wedding is so stressful!  It is worth it in the end, but the process…. You will be lucky if you don’t end in a straight jacket before the end.  Men are so inconsiderate when they leave it all up to us women.  Hubby included.  And you ask for help and then they act all helpless like it is not something they could possibly figure out how to do, as if by being born a woman one has some sort of magical power that allows one to automatically know everything there is to know about planning a wedding… Elope and avoid all of the stress. Or if not just keep telling yourself it will be worth it on the day and on the day all the planning crap is over and you never have to think about it again.

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