i go about my daily business with a blank mind.
feed the fish, put chemicals in the pond, feed the cat, clean the litter-tray, eat a banana, drink a pint of water, water the plants, vacuum the hall, tidy the kitchen, play with the cat, laugh at a photograph, watch mind-numbing day-time tellybox programmes …
go back to the pond and marvel at the tiny black fish that have appeared.
pray, who keeps throwing fish over the garden wall and into my pond?
education? wow, you must love your loooong summer holidays.
no. i’d rather be playing hide and seek with fifteen year olds, closing my ears to foul-mouthed language and attempting to break up fights than contemplating when to pick up that paintbrush and actually paint the kitchen ceiling/walls.
it’s hard to believe that ten years ago i was a mere twenty-one years old. i was working in a bacon factory, enjoying the summer off from university before i embarked on what i thought would be my final year [it turned out to be my penultimate year, what with deciding to stay on for the religious education pgce (postgraduate certificate in education)]. we visited the czech republic where i showed my [ex-best] friend lisa the delights of the city of prague, where we drank vodka in the pool hall whilst eyeing up the czech men, and supped beer in [not-so] expensive restaurants.
we cried at the wedding of the big brother to his first czech bride, and we danced to a czech band in the delightful little town of mikulov, laughing as the czech men pawed us [i have video confirmation] and the myra hindley look-a-like scowled menacingly in our direction.
i was caught on the stairs at the hotel by the father and the [notsowicked] stepmother. oh, what to do, what to do! three or four years of conversation rolled into an awkward ten minutes.
i was single. my gingernut had cheated on me three months earlier. i was in the throes of ” … and she uses sex for love“. i was a lost and lonely little soul. and nobody knew.
later, we took my mormon stepsisters [and the devout mormon husband of one of them] to the pub in my childhood village. we laughed with them and accidentally blew smoke in their faces. i realised that i’d missed the familiarity of their personalities and faces by not having them around in my later years.
i went back to university. i forgot all the promises i had made to myself.
i realise now that there’s a lot i miss about being twenty-one. but there’s also a lot that i don’t miss. there are a few things i should have done differently. but i wouldn’t want to go back in time and change that summer. that was the summer just before i grew up …
i just can’t believe time flies by so fast …
please God bless time xxx Elsabeth