” … or how bad their town is. Fucking leave and go somewhere else. Or don’t.”

I like FlatHickTown. 


I like the meandering High Street with its meaningless shops and rickety-but-quaint buildings.  I like the Old Folk who smile toothlessly and mumble something about a good day.  I stand in front of the gift shop and grin inanely at the figurines, pictures and clocks that change weekly.  I like standing in my hall and watching all the locals walking their dogs on the open grassy area with the swings, chatting together before going home for tea.  In the summer the children play outside, laughing gaily and making the world seem a better place.  In the winter the Christmas lights lining the High Street are the most beautiful for miles around.


All towns have their negative points.  FlatHickTown, for example, could probably do with another pub.  And the sooner they get on with building the new leisure centre the better.  The bus routes to ChavTown and back could be cheaper and more regular.  And I’ve only got another two years and three months till my Three Year Probationary Period is up and I’ll be accepted as a True Fen FlatHickTowner. 


There was a man on the bus yesterday. 


MoanMoanMoan-GrumbleGrumbleGrumble … He started spouting off about what a terrible town FlatHickTown is whilst at the bus station.  He then continued until we got to the place where a wife of Henry VIII’s lived, where those he was talking to got off to continue on their merry way, away from The Man Who Grumbled.


He had three gripes, The Man Who Grumbled, who had lived in FlatHickTown a matter of weeks and couldn’t wait to leave.  The first was that if he wants his children to go swimming he’d have to pay an annual fee of £120 for each of them.  It’s a private pool.  This is totally acceptable, we can’t have all the riff-raff in there.  And besides doesn’t it show that we’re not all poor inbreds with no intelligence [as he spent most of the bus journey suggesting]?  Secondly, the woman in the bank grunted at him.  One assumes that either she was a pig, she was having a bad day, or that he was rude to her first.  And thirdly nobody in the pub spoke to him.  Nobody.  This doesn’t surprise me – he probably went in there saying how rude the townsfolk were after his trip to the bank.  Besides, this is the Fens.  They don’t talk to you till you’ve been in there a few times.  It’s a Local Pub for Local People.  It takes years to become a Real Local out here.  Everybody knows that, except The Man Who Grumbles.


Forty-five minutes of having to listen to absolute crap made me roll my eyes muchly and kick my shins to stop myself from informing him that he was quite the rudest chap I have ever had the misfortune to listen to on a bus.  And believe me when I say I’ve been on many many buses in my not-so-young life. 


It’s funny that I can become so defensive about a town I’ve only lived in for nine months.  Maybe I should hang around for a good few years.  This town obviously stirs my loins.  Or some such nonsense. 


And thank the heavens I don’t have to get the bus so much these days.


please God bless the children of the man who grumbles, that they may be nicer xxx Elsabeth

9 comments

  1. You are right to defend your town. A person has to spend a fair bit of time in a place before making a judgement call on whether it’s nice or not (for them!) Except for Leeds…..I could tell from one weekend that I never want to go there again.

  2. Aha! Perhaps you can explain this…British Lesson number 8749563:What is a High Street? I always thought it was sort of like main street but then I learned London has High Streets and I’m pretty sure London has more than a few “main streets.” Are there certain qualifications a street has to have for it to be High?I feel the need to defend everything, even when I have no relationship to it at all. “You say he’s a mass murderer? Well, I’m sure he meant well.” Ok, so I wouldn’t go quite that far but you get the idea.

  3. SOLD!!!  I, too, want to move to FlatHickTown with its’ private pool and ghastly pub shortage.
    That reminds me of an ongoing debate between a friend of mine.  I am originally from the state of Ohio.  She is a born and raised California girl.  I’ve been living here two years and think, while it’s beautiful, it’s also too expensive and people are extremely rude here.  Being that she’s never really lived anywhere else, she thinks it’s the most wonderful place on the face of the earth.
    I tell her about my small hometown where everyone knows everyone and where they shut down the city for Oktoberfest.  I tell her all about how you can strike up conversations with complete strangers and people won’t sue you for looking at them.  I tell her that most women there actually have real breasts and the nose they were born with and that it’s very down-to-earth…and she wrinkles her nose up and says, “But it SNOWS there sometimes….Ew.”  I don’t know what it is that make some people hate everything but where they come from.  Maybe it’s the lack of experience.  I love my hometown…but I’m open to anywhere.  I’ve fallen in love with many places during my travels.  FlatHickTown sounds like another one I’d no doubt love.

  4. I’ve been blessed to live in several cities in several states.  All of which had their quirks and their great qualities.  Some people just love to grumble, and he sounds like one of THEM.

  5. If you were taking offense that pretty much qualifies you as a “real local” of FlatHickTown.    I don’t like people bashing my town either.  Or my school, or my accent, or the South (as Yanks tend to do).  I had a coworker who was talking about her neighbors and referred to them as “dumb-hick-rednecks”  then in the next breath she’s saying how none of them are nice to her…I calmly pointed out that calling them “dumb-hick-rednecks” is probably not the best approach of making them like her.  But I’m with you, if all someone can do is complain about where they are living then please leave…we [the rest of the town] will be better for it!  

  6. I think its good to defend what is yours or what was once yours!  even if you wouldnt like it anymore!  make sense?  it does in my head anyway

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