“Would you like to buy something you didn’t even know you wanted?”

Oh my days! 

Just one more day till the Easter holidays begin and I can start my relentless tasks [involving blind ladies, hairdressers and florists, and maybe a dash of paint (but unlikely)].  Still, at least tomorrow the students aren’t in, and there’s a free pub lunch as a thank you for gaining a ‘good with outstanding features’ when we were Ofsted’ed.  Ah!  Such a dim and dusty memory.

Yesterday I amazed myself by writing a Limerick.  I had to hold it in my head all day because I couldn’t tell it to the student I was working with, as it was a trifle rude.  It went something like this …

There was a young man named Darren
Who fancied a girl called Sharon
But she barf’d in his bed
‘Stead of giving him head
Oh! That poor young man named Darren.

When I told The Blokey about it in the car last night he was very impressed with my use of rhyme concerning Darren and Sharon.  I was so proud that today I even made up some more [but they’re not rude, so they’re no fun] and let another student take the credit for them.  I’m just so nice.

Why is it that the SalesFolk who rat-a-tat-tat on my front door get invited in by The Blokey, because he doesn’t know how to say, “No“?  This is the man who is fairly assertive, tends to get what he wants, knows not to succumb to any feminine wiles [except for mine] and who I trust implicitly.  Well, apart from when SalesFolk knock at the door.  Yes, invite the Bubbly Bitch in when I’m semi-dressed and cooking your dinner [which, incidentally, was rice and chicken – in case you were wondering].  I listened.  I cringed.  I waited for Blokey to do the decent thing.  And then I couldn’t wait any more. 

Can it wait?  We’re about to have our tea.
Oh, it will only take a couple of minutes.
A few minutes later and the sound of Enders music starts.  KatieFinger starts getting moody in the kitchen, banging cupboards, pulling down blinds, keeping an ear on what The Blokey says. 
Ok, so if I can just get you to sign this …
[KatieFinger jumps in] Does it have to be signed now?
[SalesFilly looks at KatieFinger nastily] Yes, of course.
Ok, well I don’t think we’ll bother, thank you.
But you’re not actually signing up to anything.
You’re forcing us to sign up to something without reading anything, my tea is getting cold,
and I’m fed up with SalesFolk who do this kind of thing.  We don’t want to sign up, and if we do decide to look into it then we will, in our own time, with the opportunity to do so at our leisure
[SalesFilly looks mad]
[Blokey looks confused]
Am I right?
[Blokey nods]
KatieFinger walks back into the kitchen and continues bashing things around.  SalesFilly refuses to be nice to KatieFinger anymore and leaves without so much as a goodbye.  She fails to leave any information about the product. 

Just for info, it was TalkTalk and she wouldn’t stop going on about Big Brother.

And gosh, did I feel good – in an assertive way.  You know, I do believe that I’m becoming more confident.  This is good.  Be happy for me. 

please God bless the new assertive me xxx Elsabeth

[Apparently I’m pre-menstrual and suffering from PMS – maybe this helps.]


  1. My godmother actually knows a couple called Darren and Sharon, who like to go out with a couple called Caron and Warren. You couldn’t make it up….Yay for making her bugger off!

  2. Well done you. I can be so rude to salespeople. My usual line is “if I wanted it, I’d go and research it myself”.I don’t like being rude, but sometimes it’s the only language these imbeciles understand. Yes, I know they’re only doing a job, but in doing that job they need to understand “no” when you say it.(rant over, I could go on about this all day)

  3. You couldn’t come up with another rude limerick!?!?! Come on, I know you can.
    Grrr to sales people. If we wanna shop, we have the internet. Don’t they know that by now!?!?!

  4. Im like you when it comes to this.  How annoying can these people be.  Its the same as the phone people as well even when youre signed up with the phone thingie that stops them from ringing you.  I open the door, they start to mumble something, i say let me have a leaflet, they say they dont have one, good bye then.  If you cant let me decide in my own time then im not going to sign up to something straight away on the door stop.

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