On holiday with the Bloody Massacre [and other stories] …

[partie une – il a plu]

It rained all week.  Oh, the sun popped up and cheerily said, hello! a couple of times, but for the most part it rained.  Or was windy.  Today the sun does shine splendidly.  Humpf.

[partie deux – le massacre sanglant (ou, comment obtenir par trois tampons dans une heure)]

I started my period on Sunday [the day we left] and was finally able to unplug myself yesterday [the day we came home].  The early hours of Wednesday morning resembled something from a horror film, minus the chainsaws and axes.  Apparently having children can help put a stop to really heavy periods, but in the meantime I shall quite simply blame my Mumsy for her heavy period genes.  Thanks Mother. 

[partie trois – Dover: Roi de toutes les villes de Chavs]

This picture shows one of Dover’s four redeeming features, the castle. 

Dover’s remaining three redeeming features are its ferries to France, the White Cliffs [which just make me think of an A-ha track], and the main road out of town.  Never ever go to Dover, except to get the first available ferry out. 


[partie quatre – que vin Francais bon marche]

The day we went to France on the ferry it was really really windy.  I consoled my belly with thoughts of how I would much rather be on a rough ferry crossing than a rough plane crossing. 

We laughed at the ugliness of Calais. 

Then we went shopping, where we laughed at all the other common-as-muck English folk buying their cheap Persil.

We also remembered to drive on the right instead of the left.  Yay us! 

[partie cinq – le chat de sifflement]

This morning we collected Tabatha-Cat from the cattery.  She hissed at us, and ran upstairs as soon as we got home.  Ten minutes later we were forgiven.  She’s so fickle, that cat.  Excuse me while I lavish her with affection …

[le fin]

please God bless my spooked cat xxx Elsabeth


  1. Oh and I am reading a book written by a British woman – Eat, Shoots, and Leaves……………..heard of it?  I’ll be surprised if you haven’t.  So while I read along and learn more of the comma and the apostrophe and other assorted things, I keep thinking it is you writing it and speaking to me. 

  2. RYC:  Thanks for the Persil explanation, had I had more coffee I would have noticed your link to what Persil is to begin with……..Links are not overated, rather they seem to be underappreciated.

  3. Well I guess it could have been worse it could have been your honeymoon that was visited with the “red rain”.  I have always wanted to see France but have yet to get there. Amsterdam was a much bigger draw for me. LOL

  4. Je crois que ‘Cite Europe’ est fantastique…Une gare de triage [shunting yard.. don’t ask]and that’s my French. Oh, that A Level was so useful to me… not.Bloody bloody massacre… these things just don’t know when they’re not welcome.Dover is a shithole. Don’t ever get back from France and expect to find anywhere that’s open for food in the evenings. I made that mistake once… it’s web-toed land over there…

  5. Be impressed at the common-as-muck people going in for persil and ending up with washing powder, rather than herbs. I’ve always wondered if the French translation for parsley has ever caused somebody to have a soapy dinner. As for the bloody massacre; it aint called the curse for nothing. ((hugs))
    L xx

  6. Damn my USian education and subsequent lack of knowlege of the French language.I always pictured Calais as green and woodsy but that’s only because I’ve seen The Three Musketeers. I imagine it WAS woodsy back in Louis XIV’s time.I wish there was a way to get back at the Bloody Massacre for all the hell it’s put me through. And there’s not even any point to it – I don’t want or even like children.

  7. Also, ryc: OF COURSE you can come to the zoo! Find a way to make it to RDU (our airport) at the beginning of August and the deal is done.

  8. Thank you for sharing your mini-break with us. Did I mention I envy you everytime you post your mini-breaks? We only have Mexico and Canada here to visit if we want to go to the nearest neighbors.
    Mexico scares me. Too many Lotharios without the looks required of Lotharios. Canada is okay until you find yourself caught in an angry debate betweeen French-only Canadians and English-as-main-language Canadians.

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