Otherwise known as you’re so vain, you probably think this post is about you.
I didn’t watch Big Brother when it first began in 2000. I refused, in much the same way that I refused to read Harry Potter at first. It was all hyped up as the Next Big Thing and I try to steer clear of such In Your Face media frenzy. I first took a gander at BB2 and by the time BB3 started I was beginning to see the appeal. As the years have gone on I’ve gradually become more and more addicted, which has both scared me and excited me. This year I even found myself lurking muchly on the DS:BB forum and tuning in to share my lunch with the housemates despite the ever present production team love of the sound-dip button.
How totally infantile.
The last thirteen weeks of my life have been semi-spent in the presence of a variety of arrogant, caring, comical, argumentative, manipulative, childish, fame-hungry attention seekers.
And I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it. But I shan’t miss it when it finishes. I shall probably get rather narked when Aisleyne loses out to Pete, but it won’t affect my life and I’ll be able to spend the last two weeks of my holiday doing constructive things. Or lazing around more. Whichever I fancy.
Today I was thinking about how blogging is a tad like Big Brother. Yes, something in my mind randomly decided that it should be the inconsequential Topic of the Day and however hard I choose to whack myself round the head the ideas won’t go away.
There are many Pete‘s in the Land of Bloggers. They believe they have a tale to tell, an issue to raise awareness of. Everybody loves them because they come across as sincere and caring. They don’t like to rock the boat and privatise any posts that might make people dislike them. People have to like them because if they don’t then they must also dislike the issue and that would upset other bloggers. A Pete knows he is popular, has an ego the size of Brighton [or maybe bigger … China?], is unable to fully commit to his readers and when they get too close he starts paying them less attention, moving his flirtatious style to some other person who thoroughly likes him.
Which leads us on to the Richard‘s. Richard’s are born followers. When they see a popular blogger they start leaving them arse-licking comments saying how wonderful they are and how they agree with everything that the popular blogger [usually a Pete] says. Of course, they don’t. But it makes them popular too and everybody loves a popular blogger, yes? If somebody tells them that somebody else is unpopular the Richard will change tact in the belief in makes him look good. It doesn’t. A Richard edits his subscription list as often as he changes his underwear.
Richard’s often feel quite protective of Nikki. There are thousands of Nikki’s in the Land of Blogs. They tend to be teenagers, although the odd twenty-four year old can be a Nikki too. They can be spotted through their venomous posts where they bitch about other people who they feel superior to. A Nikki will whinge [about the cold] but won’t do anything constructive about it [put a fecking jumper on!] preferring to throw a toddler like tantrum when they don’t get what they want. A Nikki will leave you wonderful comments and then write cruel things about you in a protected post, blaming you for everything. Nikki’s believe that the world revolves around them and if you don’t believe it too then she won’t be your friend. And she’ll probably have a tantrum. Just ignore her.
Jennie? Who? Oh, a Jennie is usually boring, but thinks that she’s not. Jennie’s have a very woe is me attitude and think that other bloggers want to know everything about her, even down to the breakfast she ate three days ago. A Jennie will leave you comments requesting that you comment back, and she’ll usually have a tracker on her site so that she can see who’s stalking her. She flirts with the opposite sex but would be absolutely horrified if her significant other found out, so finds it easier to blame an Aisleyne for putting thoughts in his head, even though all he has to do is look at her blog to see the flirtatious banter for himself.
Awww, Aisleyne. An Aisleyne often comes across as a tough cookie, but deep down she’s soft and fluffy and sugary. She may be overly sensitive and appear to be depressed, but she enjoys a laugh and really cares about her fellow bloggers, to the extent that she lets them know if they’ve upset her, rather than talking about them behind their back. She’s proud of herself and yet terribly insecure which often makes her writing style erratic and unfocussed. Aisleyne’s make excellent blogger friends, although some people like to covertly bully them.
[<subliminal message>text Aisleyne to 84444</subliminal message>]
Glyn‘s tend to be overtly opinionated about causes that nobody else seems to be fussed about. Their blogs are a bit all over the place as they’re never sure whether they need to come across as young and wacky or mature and sensible. Glyn’s read books about the best way to write a blog. This makes them popular as they always know how to entertain another blogger. They flirt with the opposite sex and write about their fantasy significant other in lots of detail. They write about all their achievements, however trivial, because the ordinary blogger will find it endearing. A Glyn will usually have an original tagline, something along the lines of This Is My Journey, Watch Me Grow.
[You must love him. It is not enough to obey him. You must love him …]
please God wipe the smile off Nikki’s face tonight xxx Elsabeth