Why is my electric bill so high?

I live in the FlatLands, yet work in the Shire.  Over the course of the last week all the little towns, both Quaint Market and Dodgy Chav, have celebrated the occasion of an impending festival by ‘turning on the lights’.  As you wind your way through the twisty lanes you look forward to arriving at the next town so that you can marvel at the beauty of twinkling lights on frosty evenings. 

ChavTown, where I work, has money to spend on lavish town centre water features and perky little benches that nobody sits on.  It has no money to spend on the bus station, which pongs of wee, nor indeed on the Christmas lights.  Meagre strings of plain white bulbs hang pathetically, looking for all the world as though they would rather be anywhere but there. 

I laugh.  Inside.

In total contrast we have FlatHickTown, where I live, with its abundance of town centre Christmas trees strewn with bright lights, its gay abandon of plastic snowmen, stockings, trees and Santa’s hanging from every building on the high street, warming the cockles of your heart with their cheery brightness.  The garage forecourt looks particularly illuminating with its reindeer. 

I smile.  Smugly.

I love Christmas lights.  I love the fact that they can make even a dull, miserable, extremely dark, evening so much happier just by being there. 

But I only like them if they’re done well. 

We don’t tend to put lights up on our house.  We have lights in the window and on the tree [not yet, heavens!], but we leave the outside lights to those who are more adventurous.  Some families have some amazing lights on their houses.  But some are hugely pathetic and embarrassing.  They make me cringe and I just want to wait for the dead of night so that I can go and tear them down and stamp on them, hard.  If you’re going to do it at least do it properly … *sigh*

Christmas lights make me realise that it’s nearly Christmas.  But it’s still so far away, and I still have two weeks left at work.  Humpf.

please God bless those with no artistic bones who make me look at their pathetic light-strewn house for the whole of december xxx Elsabeth


  1. I have to agree – Some folks should just not bother to put up lights, as they’ve no idea what they are doing!(and I do, secretly, enjoy seeing them…) RYN: Yes – I quite agree… It is way too easy to legally purchase a firearm here – and just as easy to get a permit to conceal one on one’s person… (not to mention, easy to obtain one illegally – relatively speaking…) I won’t have one in my house – no exceptions. They fall into the wrong hands too easily…

  2. I’ve always done lots of lights and I am sitting here contemplating that I really need to take a day and get them up as I am way behind this year.

  3. We don’t do outside lights either.  We do garland and wreaths, but no lights.  Inside’s where all the fun is.  Lights, garland, lights ON garland…my mother doesn’t know when to stop.

  4. i love christmas! im so excited.
    i lve looking at the houses in our road that are in competition with each other-its so funny…and tasteless…!
    we dont do outside lights, i have a candle arch in my window and thats it…! and on my tree obviously. I dont do tinsel either…hate the stuff…

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