miserable

I wish it could be Sunday when I wake up everyday.

The last few days of my life have been miserable and soul-destroying.  I don’t think it has anything to do with The Most Depressing Day of the Year – it’s just odd little things that have been getting me down.  Still, it’s meant that I haven’t been on my home computer since Monday evening [*gasp*] and thus I’ve just had to delete nearly 1400 junk emails.  I usually wade through my junk emails on a daily basis, just to make sure that there aren’t any non-junk emails playing Hide & Seek.  However, today I have just thrown caution to the wind and deleted every single one of them without checking – there are only so many times a lay-dee can wonder about the prize her schlong will win her, consider what advantages the huge instrument might truly have, and worry about her account with Abbey being overdrawn when she doesn’t even have an account with Abbey. 

Pffft.

I’ve come to a dreadful realisation this week … I’m a Control Freak!  Oh.  My.  God.  It’s only taken me thirty-three years to realise this.  However, I’m not an overt Control Freak.  I’m a subtle Control Freak.  I’m so subtle that even I don’t know when I’m being controlling!  It worried me [because I worry about everything] for a while, but then I decided it didn’t matter because it doesn’t harm anybody.  It seems to go hand-in-hand with my desire for a life based on routine and it affects lots of little things, particularly at home – but also at work when I try to take over things, under the pretence that I like to be helpful and stay busy [when really I want things done my way]. 

At least it’s something to add to my [if i lived in a world which celebrated these qualities] CV.  A Certificate in Basic Skills Control Freaking will look nice when placed next to my Masters in Paranoia, my Diploma in Sarcasm and that one lone GCSE in Moodiness.  I’m considering a PhD in either Let’s Take Everything Literally! or, I Don’t Get It.

Of course, my miserable week has had some happy face-brightening moments.  The Blokey had an appointment at the hospital in ChavTown today so he kindly picked me up from work.  I bought you a present today, he said.  Really? gasped I.  Yeh.  It’s sort of for Valentine’s Day, he smiled.  Oooh, what is it? He handed me a piece of paper that he’d printed off the Internet.  Yay! said I.  Tickets to see Scouting for Girls when they play in maC!  That boy knows how to make me happy …

please God bless the blokey for being my blokey xxx Elsabeth

There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.

My day was being a tad miserable.  Some of the miserable-ness was due to work, what with folk biting my head off, and ‘children’ being ridiculously annoying, and Internet connections failing, and paperwork being unforthcoming despite its urgent requirement.

Some of the miserable-ness was due to news of abnormal blood and hospital tests that are yet to happen.

At some point this afternoon The TwoFacedBitch brought someone from another Centre of Naughty Kids over to our humble corner of the workplace.  She likes to show off the very successful thing that I won’t talk about.  She brings people over and gushes about what a wonderful job we’re all doing and the visitors smile politely and nod in the right places.  The TwoFacedBitch has no real grasp of the thing that I won’t talk about and doesn’t seem to notice that it’s not a success and is actually a failure. 

But I digress.

So she and the visitor came over and they’re in the room next door, talking loudly about how successful the failure is, and I sighed and glanced up in annoyance. 

Whereupon I spied a rainbow.

And all of a sudden I didn’t care about the annoyances, and I forgot about my worries, and the world seemed so much brighter and happier.

Rainbow

[not very clear, but there is a rainbow in the picture, honest guv’ – oh, and that’s the view from ‘my’ office.  nice, eh?]

Of course, it only lasted a matter of minutes and then the brightness went away and the annoyances and the worries took a tight hold of my head again. 

We saw Pool at Gym last night and an ex-student [male – friends with students we still have, thus my worst nightmare, nearly] saw me in my swimming costume and gave me a little wave.  Eeek! 

*sigh* 

I love rainbows.

please God bless the failure xxx Elsabeth