For a split second just then I really craved a cigarette

Xanga Username: Katiefinger … always has been, always will be.  Oh, except for the time when some pretentious tart was annoying me and I created another account to write (creatively) about the situation.  (And then just continued to use that particular username to write creatively about other stuff too.)

Xanga Birthdate: July 2003. Giving you an exact date would mean toddling off to look for it, and I really can’t be arsed.

Xanga “Statuses”: TRUE, but I had to ask for it.  That really irked me.  I wrote a post about it … yep, it irked me that much.  Also Premium, but I doubt I’ll bother rekindling that fire when it dies down.  Xanga isn’t what it used to be.  *sigh*

Xanga Profile Picture: I have one … you should be able to see it over there … *points haphazardly towards the right of your monitor* 

First Xanga Friend: Um, possibly Lyns, closely followed by Zoë and Polly.  None of them post here anymore. 

Subsequent Xanga Friends: Many. There was the lovely Chris Sexie, the punky Jason, the quirky Susie, the bookish Karen, the elusive Chris who couldn’t get a job, the Internet-seller, the bi-sexual teenager, the butcher, the baker and the candlestick-maker.  Oddly enough none of them post here anymore.  More recently there’s you, if you’re reading this.

Xanga BFFs: If I like you, you’ll be my friend elsewhere.  I don’t need a Best Friend Forever on Xanga.  Thanks.

Xanga Family: Family?  I don’t spend Christmas with anyone on Xanga.  Nor do I sleep with anyone on Xanga.  I also never had a bath as a child with anyone on Xanga.  There might be somebody on Xanga I would have a bath with now, but that wouldn’t be because I wanted to be his sister.  If I argued with anyone on here they wouldn’t forgive me in the way that family can, the sort of forgiveness that comes from knowing someone inside out and outside in, from shared experiences (both good and bad) and from real love. 

Other Close Xanga Pals: Didn’t I cover this?  If not, just re-read the above.

Other Xangans Worth Mentioning: Probably most of the people I subscribe to.  I shan’t list them. 

Xanga Likes: The … nope.  The … um, no.  I’ll come back to this one (one day, possibly.) * 

Xanga Dislikes: Pleading, pulsing, arse-licking, religous nutters … Those who whine and those who have no sense of humour.  Also, those who love themselves.  It’s no surprise that Xanga is full of folk like that.

Official Xanga Achievements: None.  Go me!

Unofficial Xanga Achievements: I know I’ve made people laugh in the past.  I know that I’ve emotionally touched people in the past.  I was somebody’s unofficial Mom for a long while.  Awww … Damn, I should have kept that quote. I stayed when most other folk left for pastures new … I think that deserves some sort of recognition.  I shall make myself a badge. 

Recommending Habit: I don’t.  Or I did, once. 

Commenting Habit: I comment on most posts posted by folk I subscribe to.  I think it’s rude not to (which isn’t to say that I only comment because I feel I should; it actually means that I like the person and am interested in all the things that occur within their lives and their heads and therefore I like to show that I care, or otherwise.)

Timestamping: I’ve never done it.  It’s a silly feature and serves me no purpose.

Protected Posting: I used to do it a bit more.  Now I don’t care.  I’m anonymous enough for it not to matter.

Xanga Themes: Black on white (or white on black) always does it for me. Oh yes.
 
Xanga Pulse: I have Facebook for that.  Oh, and Twitter now, but I keep forgetting!  Silly me.

Xanga Plugz: I have no idea what Plugz is, pleaze.

Xanga Hopes: I want all the groovy people to come back. There are only a limited number of groovy people left.  We’re a dying breed …  

Last Words:  Oh Xanga.  You used to be so good.  You used to be so fine.  I used to run home from school to see what delights you’d thrown my way!  My days were a blur of Xanga thought processes and flirtatious commenting with folk I had never met in Real Life.  You’ve taught me that nothing Good lasts for ever, that people come and go (and sometimes disappear) with increasing ease, and that I’m … hmmm.  I’m just a teeny-tiny speck in the Great Big Blogosphere of Life; I’m just not as important as I thought I was.  Blogging used to be for the cool kids, but now it seems to be for every Tom, Dick or Harry and, perhaps unfortunately, every Tom, Dick and Harry these days seems to be the sort of Tom, Dick or Harry who is exactly the same as every other Tom, Dick or Harry who thinks they have something interesting to add to the Great Big Blogosphere of Life.

Nothing is sacred.

(with thanks to Lucy, whom I snabbed this from)

*the funniness of some (fundamentalist) ‘Christian’ folk who post on here. (I thought of something for Xanga Likes.  Yay!) 

please God bless Xanga and make it merry xxx Elsabeth

I know who I am, but who are you?

After nearly five years of people-watching on Xanga my brain has finally decided to put my thoughts into words.  If you find yourselves described within the observances herein contained this is not my fault.  This is semi-serious, but not intended to offend. Besides, we all have a little bit of everything in us, really.  No? NB: he and she are used as loose terms; she is capable of being he and vice versa.

Addict, The.  We all know an Addict.  She’s the one who doesn’t seem to have a life and appears in your Universal Inbox hourly.

Agreeable, The.  She nods her head ferociously whenever you spout nonsense your wisdom, even if she doesn’t agree with you.  She has very little self-esteem and was probably bullied at school.  She doesn’t like debates and she can’t sleep if she thinks she’s upset you.

Bitch, The.  She often hides her bitchiness behind sarcasm and *giggles*.  She can be a right cow sometimes, and you won’t always know.  She likes irony too, and knows how to spell it.  She believes herself to be superior and has a hint of Bully about her, sometimes.

Boring, The.  One of Xanga’s great mysteries.  She often has TRUE status and an abundance of people who regularly comment on her posts.  Most of these people are obviously the sort who like to pat folk on the head and say, there-there.  The Boring does what it says on the tin, and is usually someone who wasn’t able to achieve Whore-ism, or maybe achieved it too well. 

Bully, The.  Her opinion is the truth, and nothing but the truth is acceptable on her Xlog.  Offer her an alternative truth and she gets mad and screeches like a cat.  Wow! Watch those claws!  Her snarl is a sound to behold. She can’t bear for people to question her and will belittle anybody who dares to.  She likes to play the victim, but knows deep-down that she’s The Bully.

Cheerleader, The.  She has very little between her ears, and no apparent opinions of her own, but everybody [sic] loves her.  She likes to know everything about you, but she never talks about herself, preferring instead to ask for your take on a given topic.  Began life as a Whore, but is now popularised by The Minion.

Elusive, The.  She likes to pop up now and again and startle you.  She’s usually really nice, but a tad forgetful, and you’re always pleased to see her.  She’s like a ray of sunshine on a miserable day.

Flirt, The.  She’s sweet, funny and adorable.  People who don’t like her usually have a screw missing, somewhere.

Historian, The.  She tells you all the details of her daily life; you’re aware of her bowel movements, her sex life and the toothpaste she uses.  You read her because occasionally she slips some gem of hope into the triviality, but this is rare. 

Minion, The [also known as Pimp, The].  Minion’s like to have a reason for Xlogging and their reason is usually another Xlogger.  They realise that if they *pimp* another Xlogger it will create traffic for themselves and they crave traffic.  And attention.  Some claim that The Minion is simply a branch of The Boring tree. 

Observer, The.  He [Observer has a masculine feel to it] is an intriguing Xangan.  He can write about anything and it will be worthwhile.  The Observer is interested in the world around him and he’s interested in what you think too.  He happily writes both about himself or topics that stimulate him, and he’s kind.  He enjoys a discussion and, although he’s quirky and slightly sarcastic, he also possesses a considerate nature. 

Photocopier, The.  This one mimics everything you do.  She steals your words and your phrases and all the little things that make you the unique Xlogger you are.  She’s an annoying fly buzzing around your head.  With her around there is no flattery when it comes to imitation.

Reply-ist, The.  There used to be a time when folk would visit each others sites.  They’d read and comment, and perhaps even reply to a comment.  Then Xanga introduced the reply feature.  Now there is no reason for The Reply-ist to visit the sites of other folk because it’s all about them, baby.   

Teenager, The.  She is hard to find these days, but you’re always aware of The Teenager because sHe WritZ Lik dIs, inNiT.  She is highly emotional and often self-harms.  She hates her parents and collects icons on her pages, usually about boys and anger.  Other Teenagers flock to her site and offer copious amounts of sympathy.

Whore, The.  She pimps herself out [before she becomes important enough to own a Minion], visiting as many different sites as possible and leaving interesting comments in an effort to lure you to her site.  She flirts with you, laughs at your feeble attempts at humour and flatters your ego until she has you wound around her little finger.  The Whore is often an intellectual who always craves desire and constant attention.  She has no real feelings for any of her subscribers, but can easily fool and manipulate. 

Hmmm, any others?

please God bless the delightful folk of Xloggerland, and let us bask in their differences xxx Elsabeth

An Open Letter.

Dear XangaTeam

Please, oh-please, could you list [preferably in full] the criteria you use within the selection process?  I would thoroughly enjoy being given the opportunity to opt-out of being a TRUE Xangan, but this is proving decidedly difficult because it seems I’m not fulfilling the criteria which would allow me to be considered for such an honourable title.  This hurts me, XangaTeam.  You’ve left me feeling battered and bruised, and so-very inferior to the thousands of Xangans you hold in much higher esteem.  But, as is your will, I shall just continue plodding along with my Xanga, and allow the harsh and unedifying task of fulfilling the unknown criteria take over my life. 

I understand that being a regular Xanga poster for nearly five years shouldn’t automatically give me the right to be a TRUE member.  I’m content in the knowledge that paying Premium for nearly four years doesn’t make me TRUE to Xanga.  I know that most of my posts not only lack inspiration, but they’re also incredibly difficult to read, what with BeInG WrItTEn LiKe DiS, or something.  I can only apologise to you, the XangaTeam gods, for being a Xangan with a life, and being unable to Xlog on a daily basis.  I can see now that my life should become ruled by Xanga and I should not only be commenting on all my favourite Xlogs [which I do mostly daily unless, you know, real life gets in the way] but I should also be posting meaningless garbage up to three times a day, instead of just twice or thrice a week.  Surely then I could become a TRUE member, even if I do get fired from my job, because when I should be teaching the next generation there’s always something more exciting popping up which means I have to postpostpost, like a seriously f.ucked up addict.  Or something. 

It’s not that I want a TRUE badge, particularly.  The commonality of them astounds me, and if I look at some of the sites which hold this esteemed prize it makes me wonder just why you’ve introduced such a gimmicky feature.  In theory the idea is a sound one.  Reward those Xangans who are loyal, who have stuck by you even when you’ve introduced other ridiculous features [and bless you for giving us the option to opt-out of using the dashboard et al], and who have defended you when in disagreement with yet others who have simply deserted you. 

But therein lies the problem – you’re not rewarding those who matter. You’re just rewarding those who increase your advertising revenue, or those who you think are loyal just because they post almost daily, even when it’s utter drivel.  I’m not prepared to spend my life answering Featured Questions [which would be oh-so much better if they had more depth and stayed up for a week, thus enabling Xangans to really form good answers] or writing about things I don’t want to write about so that I can be deemed to be special and worthy, thereby giving up my real life.

I am worthy.  But you just can’t see it.  And this blindness doesn’t suit you.

Thank you XangaTeam gods, for listening to a mere UnTRUE.  I would say that I realise the error of my ways and will strive to rectify the situation post-haste, but this would be a lie …

Love, katiefinger [on behalf of all those who really deserve to be TRUE members, but aren’t] x

[none of this applies to anybody who i subscribe to who has the TRUE badge – you all obviously rock, otherwise i wouldn’t subscribe to you]