What I really wanted to say to you.

Various folk have annoyed me this week.  When people annoy me I tend to get moody and resentful, and then I fume inwardly whilst hatching evil plots to annoy them back.  If I’m annoyed with you I’ll probably refuse to look you in the eyes and I’ll stomp around for a bit, all the while pretending that everything is fine, just fine. I won’t tell you that you’ve annoyed me.

With all this pent-up frustration and anger bottled up inside me I’m very probably a potential heart-attack victim.  Shucks.

For Annoying Flirtatious Teacher

For forty-five minutes each week, I have to support you with your Year 10 PSHE class.  Great.  But please, I’m a Level 3 Teaching Assistant.  I’m an intelligent woman with as many qualifications as you have.  I am not your Personal Slave for that lesson, and as such I would really prefer it if you didn’t make me do all those stupid little things whilst you’re sitting there giggling with the boys.  Giggling.  Pffft.  By making me switch on computers, move tables, run around copying bits of paper, getting out felt tip pens and asking me to go on a search for milk and butter (?) you’re subconsciously telling the students in the lesson that I’m a lesser being and not worthy.  When you consider that I have to teach these kids English and Maths on a 1-1 basis, this really irks me.

Also, I used to teach PSHE (as well as History and RE) and I don’t think that laughing whilst looking at pictures of mens bits is that professional, regardless of the nature of our students and their reasons for being with us.  I’m also aware that one of the most important rules in the PSHE classroom, especially when regarding topics of a personal nature, is that nobody should be scared of asking questions when they don’t understand something.  I’d appreciate it if you didn’t give me dirty looks when I suggest such a thing, nor then be sarcastic to me in front of the students.

You’re a bully.

For Annoying ChavBoy Driver

Once upon a time your sister suggested that as you drive through FlatHickTown on your way to and from work, you could pick me up and drop me off.  You do realise that this doesn’t make my life any easier, don’t you? I would thank you for the apology that was offered me on Monday when you suddenly realised at three o’clock that you couldn’t take me home.  I would thank you for the realisation that I have a life too, and that maybe I’d made plans for Monday evening which would be ruined by the fact it would take me an extra two hours to get home.  I would also thank you for the fact that you managed to tell me yourself in proper English, that made sense.

I won’t thank you though, since none of them happened.  You’re a chauvinist plonker, who expects me to pay you money to listen to your drivel about work, which is all a load of crap anyway.  There is more exciting drivel on the bus.

For Annoying Friend

My status updates on Facebook are not cryptic.  It’s not my fault that you have a) no imagination, b) no understanding of the written word and c) a need to tell the world that you have paperwork to do.  Boring.  Please don’t keep asking me to explain myself to you.

You’re an uninspired idiot.

For Annoying Teenagers At The Bus Station

Please shut up!  I don’t want to know that your friend has lost count of the boys she’s sucked off.  Yucky.

For My Lovely Blokey

Thank you for brightening my week yesterday by coming home with tickets to see not only the gorgeous Dylan Moran, but also the very funny Frankie Boyle.  Bless you! 

There, now I can enjoy my weekend with no niggling frustrations. Pure bliss.

please God bless my annoyances and help them be better people xxx Elsabeth

I wish it could be Sunday when I wake up everyday.

The last few days of my life have been miserable and soul-destroying.  I don’t think it has anything to do with The Most Depressing Day of the Year – it’s just odd little things that have been getting me down.  Still, it’s meant that I haven’t been on my home computer since Monday evening [*gasp*] and thus I’ve just had to delete nearly 1400 junk emails.  I usually wade through my junk emails on a daily basis, just to make sure that there aren’t any non-junk emails playing Hide & Seek.  However, today I have just thrown caution to the wind and deleted every single one of them without checking – there are only so many times a lay-dee can wonder about the prize her schlong will win her, consider what advantages the huge instrument might truly have, and worry about her account with Abbey being overdrawn when she doesn’t even have an account with Abbey. 


I’ve come to a dreadful realisation this week … I’m a Control Freak!  Oh.  My.  God.  It’s only taken me thirty-three years to realise this.  However, I’m not an overt Control Freak.  I’m a subtle Control Freak.  I’m so subtle that even I don’t know when I’m being controlling!  It worried me [because I worry about everything] for a while, but then I decided it didn’t matter because it doesn’t harm anybody.  It seems to go hand-in-hand with my desire for a life based on routine and it affects lots of little things, particularly at home – but also at work when I try to take over things, under the pretence that I like to be helpful and stay busy [when really I want things done my way]. 

At least it’s something to add to my [if i lived in a world which celebrated these qualities] CV.  A Certificate in Basic Skills Control Freaking will look nice when placed next to my Masters in Paranoia, my Diploma in Sarcasm and that one lone GCSE in Moodiness.  I’m considering a PhD in either Let’s Take Everything Literally! or, I Don’t Get It.

Of course, my miserable week has had some happy face-brightening moments.  The Blokey had an appointment at the hospital in ChavTown today so he kindly picked me up from work.  I bought you a present today, he said.  Really? gasped I.  Yeh.  It’s sort of for Valentine’s Day, he smiled.  Oooh, what is it? He handed me a piece of paper that he’d printed off the Internet.  Yay! said I.  Tickets to see Scouting for Girls when they play in maC!  That boy knows how to make me happy …

please God bless the blokey for being my blokey xxx Elsabeth